Top 5 Tips for Having Great Conversations

Sometimes when people move their dating lives to the internet, they feel like they won't have to be quite as social. It's much easier to be charming over email or across instant messengers, but these tools are not replacements for social skills.

In the end, you're trying to build a relationship with these people, and that means you'll have to speak with them eventually. Some of these tips are tailored to face-to-face interactions (ie. eye contact) but many work just as well over the phone.

1. Learn To Listen

When you first meet someone, you are trying to have a real conversation, you are not delivering a speech! A real conversation is a two way road; together you each contribute, but what you say is meaningless if you aren't listening to each other.

Tip: If you're worried you'll talk too much, follow the 40/60 rule. Talk for 40% of the time, and listen for the other 60%. This will bring you back to a reasonable level.

Sometimes just listening is not enough. To let the other person know that you appreciate their input, try to respond to, and build upon what they've said. Don't hesitate to ask questions or dig for more details; it shows that you care about what they are saying, and helps keep the conversation flowing.

2. Eye Contact Is Required

If you are uncomfortable maintaining eye contact with another person, you've probably noticed it in many other areas of your life. In every social interaction, eye contact can show that you are paying attention, and when dating, it is crucial for building a real bond. Remember, the eyes are the gateway to the soul!

On the other end of the spectrum, some people take eye contact way, way too far. If you never look away from the other person, you are probably freaking them out. Eye contact is good, starting is not. It's a subtle, but important difference.

3. Find Common Ground

This is useful in any conversation, but when you are trying to forge a real relationship, it is so crucial. If the other person says something you agree with, or something that applies to your life, make sure you jump and try to turn the conversation in that direction. You won't ever agree with someone 100% of the time, but you can focus on your common ground.

If your potential partner is socially aware, they will try to do the same thing. If they ever say "me too", or "that's such a coincidence", they are trying to signal that the two of you have something in common. Even if they blurt it out, don't take it as an interruption. Instead roll with it and immediately take your conversation in that new direction.

4. Take It Slow

Unless you met someone strictly for a NSA (no strings attached) relationship, try to keep the conversation light. Don't get too intimate too quickly and don't even think about taking about your future relationship. Now is not the time for making grand plans! This is one of those areas where less can be more, so think before you speak and ere on the side of caution.

5. Share Your Passions

Talking about the weather or what you had for lunch might kill sometime, but it doesn't have any place in a real conversation. To get to know each other, and really show your best side, make a point of talking about your greatest passions. If you're going back to school, or starting a business, or learning something new, then share it!